Well, today we had our third discussion over finances. We first decided to combine finances in March. We had already committed to getting married and we were moving in together the end of the month. I was very happy about this, because being a single mom with so many children and a large mortgage payment it helped me to relax. I felt as though I had someone to share the burden with. That worked great until the first month when I had my mortgage payment and visa bill automatically deducted from "our account" I sensed a lot of tension. He told me he would just have to get used to it, but a few days later when I went shopping and spent $50 at Ross I got the cold shoulder and he didn't want to give me his social so I could sign on and pay another bill or two. At this point I discussed that maybe we should not share an account. I also realized by this point that I brought home as much money as he did. It wasn't a week later I decided to do my daily spending out of another account, so it wouldn't mess his books up.
I understand what being in control is like. It has always been my postion. It was hard for him to see me spending and it was hard for me to have someone making me feel as though I was commiting a sin.
Today we decided, or I should say I decided to split our money completely. I had put almost $31000 into our combined account since March 03. He told me today that he was openig CD's with the money in savings. I took that, and rightfully so, that he was moving the money so I couldn't touch it. I felt mixed emotions about this. First, I thought maybe I was spending too much, which I didn't know, since I had just put everything into the pot, secondly I felt pissed. I have always been responsible and I took it as though he felt I wasn't. Third, I was sad. I wanted to feel like we were a team, and even if I don't have a check coming in this month he knows I make a lot of money and I want to feel like he is there for me, and I will always give what I have to the family.
I spent my morning stressed over how to pay my $2300 on my home, plus $2000 on our new home in addition to other bills, when my checking account was zero. I decided for better or worse I needed to know what I had spent since we combined money. I am happy to report that once I went through everything Tim ended up transferring $7500 back into my account, for money I hadn't spent. I am now feeling fine, because that money, in addition to my check I got for taxes will hold me over until my home closes escrow and I get a couple of my real estate deals closed.
The thing that still bothers me is that I don't feel like I could count on Tim if I were having a hard time. When I had no money he decides to move all the money. When we discussed it he told me if I needed money just take it, but he had also made angry comments like, 'Fuck it, lets just spend it all, when it is gone it is gone", and "I think you spend more than you make", so I could tell he wasn't sincere.
I guess the good news in this is that I will continue to know that I can make it on my own. I do not need to depend on him or anyone else for supporting myself and my children. I am strong and will overcome everything. I just wish I didn't have to be sometimes.