Well, It has been a busy week, but a busy good week. I thought I should take the time to write since I usually write when I am frustrated and need to vent. My son graduated kindergarten on Wednesday and my daughter graduated high school on Thursday. Tim's mother flew in on Monday and my mom flew in on Tuesday. I think we were all a bit stressed. I had met his mother before and he had met mine, but none of us knew each other very well. For the first two days it felt like two different families sharing one house. I didn't know any of the people his mother was talking about and vise versa. By the third day things seemed a bit more relaxed and then my mom flew home with my youngest son. All my kids have been spending the night at friends houses so it has felt like a total vacation for the last couple of days. I have slept in which has been the best.
I leave for Mexico on Thursday. I was really bummed about the timing because I was supposed to start my period the day we left. For the first time ever I am thrilled to get my cycle early. I started today, which means by Thursday I will be about done. No cramping or worrying about a messy swim suit. yeah! I am thrilled. On top of that I got another listing today. It makes listing number 5. Now if I can only get one or two them them sold I would be tickled pink.
I did get a buyer under contract this week and we just got through the inspection period, so I am happy with that. That will close end of June and will most likely be my next paycheck. I have another under contract which is in probate and has been for two months. What a nightmare that has been.
Oh, I am officially engaged. My ring is beautiful. I tried taking a photo for my sister, but it looks horrible and blurry, so she will have to wait to see it. The proposal was nothing special, but like my good friend reminded me, Tim has been very good about the big things, like me taking time to date other people and figure out what I needed. I love him a lot and am happy to have him in my life.
I don't think I have slept in more than twice in the two years of my divorce and woke up feeling relaxed, but I have twice this week. It is nice having someone to share joy with and burdens. I think we are good for each other.
Well, that is about all for now. I think I will call my little guy in CA and see how he is doing.

Well, today we had our third discussion over finances. We first decided to combine finances in March. We had already committed to getting married and we were moving in together the end of the month. I was very happy about this, because being a single mom with so many children and a large mortgage payment it helped me to relax. I felt as though I had someone to share the burden with. That worked great until the first month when I had my mortgage payment and visa bill automatically deducted from "our account" I sensed a lot of tension. He told me he would just have to get used to it, but a few days later when I went shopping and spent $50 at Ross I got the cold shoulder and he didn't want to give me his social so I could sign on and pay another bill or two. At this point I discussed that maybe we should not share an account. I also realized by this point that I brought home as much money as he did. It wasn't a week later I decided to do my daily spending out of another account, so it wouldn't mess his books up.
I understand what being in control is like. It has always been my postion. It was hard for him to see me spending and it was hard for me to have someone making me feel as though I was commiting a sin.
Today we decided, or I should say I decided to split our money completely. I had put almost $31000 into our combined account since March 03. He told me today that he was openig CD's with the money in savings. I took that, and rightfully so, that he was moving the money so I couldn't touch it. I felt mixed emotions about this. First, I thought maybe I was spending too much, which I didn't know, since I had just put everything into the pot, secondly I felt pissed. I have always been responsible and I took it as though he felt I wasn't. Third, I was sad. I wanted to feel like we were a team, and even if I don't have a check coming in this month he knows I make a lot of money and I want to feel like he is there for me, and I will always give what I have to the family.
I spent my morning stressed over how to pay my $2300 on my home, plus $2000 on our new home in addition to other bills, when my checking account was zero. I decided for better or worse I needed to know what I had spent since we combined money. I am happy to report that once I went through everything Tim ended up transferring $7500 back into my account, for money I hadn't spent. I am now feeling fine, because that money, in addition to my check I got for taxes will hold me over until my home closes escrow and I get a couple of my real estate deals closed.
The thing that still bothers me is that I don't feel like I could count on Tim if I were having a hard time. When I had no money he decides to move all the money. When we discussed it he told me if I needed money just take it, but he had also made angry comments like, 'Fuck it, lets just spend it all, when it is gone it is gone", and "I think you spend more than you make", so I could tell he wasn't sincere.
I guess the good news in this is that I will continue to know that I can make it on my own. I do not need to depend on him or anyone else for supporting myself and my children. I am strong and will overcome everything. I just wish I didn't have to be sometimes.

Happy Moms Day! It has been a great day for me. Tim was very nice and bought gifts from the kids for me. I had them each do an extra chore today, so they could at least contribute toward the cost. I got a Starbucks gift card, Sees candy and a day trip to Camelback Spa. It is the full meal deal. A one hour massage, one hour facial, manicure and pedicure. I hope it is enjoyable. Sometimes it is hard to sit so long. I will try to go on a day that I am tired. I also am going to get Tim the same thing, for Fathers Day, so I don't have to go alone.
I got another listing yesterday, which is awesome. It is nice collecting listings, but I would like to unload some of them. They don't do me any good if they don't sell. One of my sellers is too high, actually, two of them are. I hope someone at least bites. I am also working with two buyers, so that is great.
Our pool gets dug this week. It is already swimming weather and I am grateful for our community pool. We are down there almost everyday after school. It is good to keep the kids busy. Now that we are over 100 everyday it is taking some getting used to. In another week I will adjust, but it is always hard when the excrusiating weather starts.
My daughter gets her own room today. Tim's oldest is moving his stuff out. She is happy, and we will be painting in the next couple of days.
Well, time to go swim.

Well, I wrote about my new ring (YEAH!), but then magically I wasn't online anymore. I copied to paste, but then got busy with something else, so I will have to start again. This weekend we went to Sams Club and Costco. I wanted the best deal for our money. I didn't find anything I liked and felt totally frustrated with the entire process. Then, I looked on the Shane Co. website. It was sooo cool. They had lots to choose from and you could pick your jewels and build your ring. Since there was so much we liked, we went to their store in Scottdale on Sunday and low and behold we both got our rings. They are both beautiful. Mine wont be ready until Wednesday, but no hurries. I still want Tim to officially propose. I did want him to do something big, but now I would just like him to confess his love over a nice dinner or something. It has been a great week for us. We have had sex 7 out of the 8 last nights, which has been awesome. I feel as though I can trust him more and more all the time. I still look at him and it seems odd that he will be my partner forever. I think it has to do with looking at my ex all those years feeling like he would always be there and now he is not.
We had a great weekend painting and going to the pool. Nothing super exciting, just having some alone time. I really enjoy his company and I can tell he wants to make me happy. I am learning to tell him what I need instead of being upset that he doesn't automatically know.
On another note. I just got an offer on my house. I had it listed at $514,000 and each week I have come down. I am now at $489,000. The offer was for $480,000. I countered back at $485,000. Wish me luck. Anything under $486,000 I lose money, but that is what happens when you only live somewhere for such a short time and put a ton of money into it. It would be great to have it sold. My payments are over $2300 a month on that and I am paying half on my new place which is $4000 a month. Yikes! Scares me.
Well, time to make some cookies.

Happy Day. I spoke to the Dermatologist after doing some research on Cancer. It turns out my sons is small enough that it is not to the most dangerous stage. He will still need the surgery. They will cut 1 cm deeper and wider than last time. After that he will see an Oncologist to make sure it has not travled to his lymph nodes, but all the signs point to it not getting that far. I am very relieved.
I am also very happy with my boyfriend. We are still learning about each other and we had a talk about how him not buying me a ring made me feel as though I wasn't a priority or important. He gave me a big hug and said that I am. I don't think he gets it sometimes, but I will chalk it up to him being a man. One thing I do know, when he knows what makes me happy he tries very hard to do it. It is hard to tell him what I need, I just want him to know, but I know that is not realistic.
Well, I have to get shopping. I am being featured in a local Realtor Magazine for the month of July and they are doing a photo shoot on Monday. Trying to get all my boys in beige shorts and blue shorts and my girls in denim skirts and brown tops will take a trip to the mall.
My kids are at their dads, so it will be nice to get out, alone. I went to Salty Senoritas for Cinco De Mayo last night. I posted some new photos on myspace. It was a madhouse, so ended up at the Wild Hare and danced awhile before getting home.
I had planned on hiking this morning, but after 5 beers and not eating any dinner I wasn't up to hiking by 6:30 am. I did run 3 miles at 7 am to make up for the lost hike. It wasn't as pleasant as the hike would have been, but at least I burnt some calories and feel as though I did my body good.

A few strange things? Hum. . . . .
I pick things up with my feet. I find that easier than bending down, most of the time.

I write with my right hand, but throw with my left.

I can't stand toilet plungers or toilet brushes in my house. I would rather scrub toilets with my hands and a scrubbing sponge then wash it with bleach and jump in the shower.
I hope that isn't too much information.
Also, I hate when people cut things on the countertops. It seems dirty to me. I like to use a chopping board that has been run through the dishwasher.

Well, no ring has magically appeared since January 18, 2006 when my boyfriend told me I had made him the happiest man alive. It took some time to go out shopping for rings. When I did I felt as though i should get something cheap, so a friend of mine told me to pick out several that I liked and let him make the final decision. That sounded like a great idea. I went to Sam's Club and Costco, because I know they have good quality jewelry at better prices than the jewelry store. Well, at the end of March Tim annoucned that his Sams membership would be expiring soon and he needed to get the ring. I, thinking outloud, said, "You wont do it." He said, "What?", I said, " You wont do it. If it were a priority you would have had it done a long time ago." That was the end of the conversation and a few days later the membership expired. This has become a sore subject for me. Tim has managed to spend 5K getting the garage floors coated, which I did not even care about and cabinets put in. He manages sporting events, buying his daughter a car, but doesn't have time to get me a ring. I don't like to talk to him about it because I don't want him to do it because he thinks I want him to. I want it to come from his heart. Maybe this will take forever, but looking at the bright side, if he doesn't do it, it just shows me he doesn't care enough and I will know he isn't the guy for me. I suppose that is a bad place to be since we already live together, but worst case in a couple of years we sell the place, split our appreciation and go our seperate ways.
Tim is not an emotional guy. He is very even keeled. He doesn't have highs or lows, unless someone dies or we are breaking up. Then he gets emotional. Otherwise, he isn't into lovey dovey talk, doesn't like to be touched much and doesn't have a lot to say. These are all things I knew before we moved in. They are things I am still trying to get used to. It is hard to explain it, but I wish he would call to say he loves me, more than he does. I wish he was affectionate.
Months ago, when I was trying to sort my life out, and my ex and I were getting along I asked him to please be honest with me and tell me my major faults. I was very comforted when he said that I was a great wife and the only thing he felt might cause me problems is that I liked a lot of attention. I guess he is right, because I never feel like I get enough with Tim.
I am sure I will adapt as time goes on.
Current news. I was very happy yesterday, because I went to court and got a check for $1000. I had a pool built late last year and the excavators did a bunch of damage to my property. I felt vindicated and was on a natural high. I went out and bought myself a new shirt as a treat for going to court, because I was so nervous I was shaking like a leaf. It was great to have my nervousness pay off.
After that I took my kids swimming at our community pool. While there I received some bad news. Two weeks ago my son had surgery for what looked like a Melanoma. He is only 16, but I could tell the doctor was concerned, as was I. Well, the call was the doctor saying that it was malignent and my son would have to go back for more surgery and also to see an Oncologist (cancer specialist). It brought me to tears as I thought the worst. How would I live without him. Why Tommy, he is so nice, helpful and makes me proud to be a mom. I told myself not to worry, that he would most likely be okay, but it did change my attitude and I am very concerned. He goes in for surgery a week from today. I am not looking forward to it, and he was crying a bit last night as he wondered, "Why me?"
The last thing that happened to me yesterday is that I got my paperwork back from the state to take my Brokers Exam. I have been waiting for three months for it. That means I need to study up and pass the school exam then I can take the state exam. I have finished the worst part which is sitting through 90 hours of classroom time. Boy did that suck.